I didn't want to run again after Iron Horse. There. I said it. I had no desire. I told my best friend that I was considering giving it up. It wasn't fun for me anymore. She told me to wait a little and see how I felt in a week or two.
I ended up making myself go out for a run. In the end, it was a rather humorous run. For some unknown reason I wore regular mesh shorts to run in. I never wear those for running, at least not unless I have bike shorts or something else under. I also happened to be wearing one of the oldest pairs of underwear I own. I started running, my underwear slipped down. I continue running, it keeps slipping down. Rinse and repeat until I got to the most secluded part of my run. Which really isn't secluded, just not much traffic. I stood behind a telephone pole and got them off. Stuffed in my bra and went on my way.
It wasn't t the best run I've ever had. It wasn't the worst either. It was just blah. It did not leave me desiring to run again. But I made myself go back out the next day. That was better...and the day after that a little better.
I'm trying to get back to loving running. I don't know what happened. Maybe I was doing it for someone else. Because I thought, perhaps, that I was only friends with some people because we were all runners. Since I wasn't able to run with them like I was before, I didn't see them. Even now, I still feel that way a little bit. Running brought us all together and if I'm not there, it feels like the friendship isn't there. The closeness that I felt.
I'm trying to get some consistency in my pace. I'm starting out with low mileage again. The furthest I've gone in the last 3 weeks is 2.46 (this morning). I've been running the same route at home. Varying run/walk intervals to find out what works best. I want to be able to run a similar pace at 2ish miles that I can keep at least up to 7ish miles. I figure I'll keep running the same distance for awhile until I can get there. I have no races I've paid for, so no real plan.
I would like to do another half marathon. Someday. But, I want to be able to know I can finish in the time I want. I don't want to do it until I can be consistent in my pacing and training. Right now, that option isn't there for me.
I've realized in the last few days that I've missed being a homebody. When my ex was in the country, I had to leave the house at least two nights a week minimum. If the kids had an activity, I'd be out more than that. Now that I'm mostly housebound, except for whatever activities the kids have (which aren't many), I find I'm enjoying my time alone at night. I've been watching some of my old favorite movies. I've been doing homework.
So that's it for now. Still unemployed. Still running. Learning to enjoy every moment with my kids. I've taken them for granted sometimes. I don't know if I'll be ready to share them when their dad returns back to the States in May/June.