jealousy and depression

So now that my ex-husband has gone, I'm left with not being able to run with friends anymore. They plan their runs. I see their pictures and I'm completely jealous that I'm not out there with them. The pain in my knee isn't helping any either. I miss my friends. All I have of them is on Facebook and Twitter and even that seems to have dwindled.

Between not seeing my friends and not having a job still, a smidge of depression has set in. I've gone back to my old comfort eating. I gained back about 5 lbs that I'd lost.

If my knee doesn't start feeling better, I don't know what I'll do. The mornings that I run are the only thing I have for me lately. The only thing. I can't lose that.

wise words from Bart Yasso

I just finished reading "My Life on the Run" by Bart Yasso

Here is one passage that really stuck out to me:

If you don't feel welcomed in a sport or a job or a family, you don't stick around. Running is about acceptance - of yourself and others. When you're out on the trail sweating, it doesn't matter if the guy or gal next to you works at a fast-food joint or is CEO of Kellogg's. It doesn't matter what color they are, or how old they are, or what religion they practice, if any at all. 

Running celebrates our commonality. Are we human because we can run on two feet, or does running make us human? I know I feel more like myself when I run, even if it's only a few miles, or at least I feel like the self I like best. Running inspires creativity, relieves stress, and gives us insight into ourselves and the world, making the human condition more tolerable.

But it is not enough to confine these benefits to ourselves. As runners, we each have a duty to accept the role as mentor to a slower runner or a new runner or someone who doesn't think he or she can walk around the block, let alone finish a 5k.  Remember, we're not some members of a snooty, noses-in-the-air fraternity. We are runners! So let's spread the message. can you imagine how grand the planet would be if everyone were a runner? Obesity? Not a problem. Depression? Never heard of it. Sluggishness? Get the hell out. 

Shakespeare go it wrong when he wrote "To sleep: perchance to dream." We run to dream, with our subconscious thoughts shaping the path of our lives. 

It has been just over a year since I started running with a group. The first run, I was paired with some that ran my pace. However, after that...I was kind of left on my own. For every single run. I felt alone. I chalked it up to me just being much slower than the rest. I guess, in some ways, it is a miracle that I continued running.

After reading this, it has sealed my resolve to help other new runners feel welcome. I may not be able to keep up with them, but I can welcome them and make them feel like they fit in.

be prepared...

I've spent quite a bit of time lately listening to Disney songs on CD. One feature I love about my van (yes, there is something I love), is the 10 disc CD player. I can't begin to remember when I last listened to CD's regularly. I think I need to dig up some of my old CD's so I can start singing some Phantom of the Opera and my kids can groan in the back, just as much as I groan when I have to listen to "Can you feel the love tonight" one more time because they enjoy listening to Pumba and Timon cry at the end. Another of the songs they've enjoyed listening to is "be prepared" from Lion King.

The time off this last week has had me wondering if I will be prepared for Iron Horse. I don't know if I'll get any longer runs in. Someone suggested focusing on some shorter, more intense runs...to build up my overall running fitness as an alternative to just running really slow longer runs. In a way it makes sense. I guess I'll shoot for that.

But I still worry.

The run I probably should have quit

Tuesday's run was my long run for the week. I had 8 miles scheduled. I plotted a map on Garmin. Sent the course to my watch. Because of the problems with losing the course last week, I made a cheat sheet of turns in case my watch steered me wrong. Which did happen. I was thankful for it later on. I wore my running clothes to the bus stop. Got the kids on their buses. Went back home for my shoes, compression sleeve, and water. I got out the door right at 7:30. I allotted myself 2 hours, but was hoping to finish in 1:52:00, the same time I had done almost two weeks ago. Again, trying more for consistency in time than in running faster. I'm going by the moving time on Garmin Connect, because I had to stop a few times to figure out which way I was going. Looking back at the moving time, I have negative splits for most of the miles. Woot!

Mile 0-1: Felt pretty good, walked a little to start, then had to stop and wait to cross the main road about a quarter mile in. Completed in 14:20, a little slower than I wanted...but not too shabby.

Mile 1-2: Until mile 1.5, when my knee twinged a little...I was feeling good. Walked a short bit to see how my knee was, felt okay so I went back to running. completed in 14:20 yet again.

Mile 2-3: Feeling good, very hilly part of my run. Completed in 14:17.

Mile 3-4: Knee started hurting a bit again, but not enough to make me quit. Just more sore than anything. Still  on the hilly part of the run. Completed in 14:02.

Mile 4-5: Felt amazing. Best part of the run by far. Completed in 14:10

Mile 5-6: Still doing awesome. Completed in 13:57.

Mile 6-7: Knee hurt a bit at mile 6 again. Yet, still not enough to make me quit, just sore. Completed in 13:45.

Mile 7-8: I was close enough to home at the beginning of mile 7 that I could have gone home in about a quarter mile. But I was determined to get my 8 in. Just shortly after, I experienced a sharp stabbing pain in my left calf (right one was the one injured back in May/June). I walked a little, then decided I wanted to get home a bit quicker while still getting my mileage in...so started jogging very slowly, but faster than a walk. Yet again, I'm still close enough to get home quickly by cutting through a field. I decide to stick it out. I have a bit of pain the next half a mile. I hit my house at 7.75 miles, but STILL want to get my mileage in. So, I ran down the sidewalk and experienced the sharp stabbing pain again. I hobble back to the house. Completed the last mile in 16:55.

As a nurse and as someone who as a degree in athletic training as well, I knew better than to keep going once I got that first stabbing pain. I knew it, but chose to ignore it. The rest of the day I could barely walk. I ended up taking a leftover percocet that night so I could even sleep. Yesterday, was not much better. I woke up last night because it hurt so bad. I did spend quite a bit of time icing, stretching, and foam rolling. Thank goodness its starting to help. My knee still feels off. My calf is extremely tight.

I've decided to give myself at least a week off. With more icing, stretching, foam rolling and ibuprofen. I'll try a 2-3 mile jog on Tuesday and see how it feels. Then, go from there. I'm trying to be smart. I don't want to put myself in the position I did the last time when I had to take almost a month off from running. Iron Horse is  just a little over 5 weeks away. I have a good base mileage. I know I can run 13.1 miles. I was planning to do a 12 miler next week, but I'll push that off another week...pending how my leg is feeling. I'm hoping to get at least one more longer run in, but if I don't...I don't.

Labor Day 5 mile virtual run

I'm not even sure how I found out about this virtual race, but seeing as how my budget is limited of late...virtual races are where its at for me! I had 5 miles on my schedule anyway, so decided to do Mommy, Run Fast's Labor Day 5 or 10 mile virtual run.

I had to complete my run on Friday, so Thursday night found me plotting a 5 mile course for my Garmin. I'd never used the feature of having the watch tell me which direction to go before...so it was an adventure I was willing to risk, since I'd also never run 5 miles near my house either. Anything over 3 miles, usually has me driving somewhere. I didn't have time for that on Friday since my girl child got on the bus at 7:15, and I had to be at my chiropractor's office at 9:00. Not a lot of leeway, there was also consideration of stopping my run at the chiropractors, but thought better of having him work on me after I'd just finished running without having showered first. So, the course. I decided to wander through a neighborhood I'd only driven through. In hindsight, I should have just plotted an out and back. Those I can handle just fine, at least until I learn the neighborhoods.

I also ran 6 miles later Thursday night, so my legs were anything but fresh. My goal lately is just to keep consistent times for my mileage. I'm not worried so much about speed, though that is a goal for after my next half marathon.

Got up, got the kids on their respective buses. Girl's bus was a few minutes late. Again, now I know for future reference to have my running stuff on when going to the bus stop, so it doesn't hold me up. Went back to the house quick, got changed and went on my way. I love my Garmin. I do not love the course feature. Or maybe it takes some getting used to? I hated having to look at my watch to make sure I didn't miss a turn. Then it told me I got off course. I said screw it and just took a route that I knew would get me back to the house with the miles I had left. It was rather fun watching all the middle school and high school kids waiting for the bus...also wonder what they were thinking/saying after I went by. Maybe I'll avoid those neighborhoods during bus pick up for future reference. I got home with about 10 minutes to get showered, dressed, and in the van. Thankfully my chiropractor is literally a 2 minute drive. I was a little late, but I'd rather be late than stinky.

This was my first longer distance school day run, the only other one I did was 3 miles. I need to become more consistent in my timing so that I can plan my running better for school days. I also need to figure out a better way to plan my routes in this area I've not run much in without going on the main roads.

My goal was to finish about 1:10:00, so a little slower than wanted...but can't complain. I had to stop and figure out which way to go a few times. I'm trying to keep under 14 min/miles due to a race cut off time for the half in a few weeks. I was able to do that for my last 8.5 miler, so I know its possible. Just working on it.

1	13:34.7	1.00	13:35
2	14:07.2	1.00	14:07
3	15:38.3	1.00	15:38
4	14:41.4	1.00	14:41
5	15:13.8	1.00	15:14