results are in...

From the letter they mailed me, these are the results of the MRI.

The menisci are of normal signal and configuration without evidence for tear.
The ACL, PCL,MCL, and lateral collateral complex and extensor mechanism of the knee are intact. The popliteus tendon is intact.
No Fracture, AVN or osteochondral defect. There is horizontal orientation of the trochlea with lateral subluxation and tilting of the patella. The TT-TG is approximately 2cm. There is no edema in the infrapatellar fat. The articular cartilage is maintained tricompartmentally.
There is no joint effusion. There is a small popliteal cyst which extends superiorly. There is no muscle strain.
Impression: Menisci and ligaments intact. Abnormal trochlear configuration with lateral patellar subluxation and tilting. TT-TG of 2 cm.

so basically, my kneecap is sitting out of joint (displaced they told me on the phone) and is tilted. I have a cyst in the back of my knee.

there you have it. all those lovely words up there scored me a referral to a sports med doctor on Feb 27th. found out he's the chair of the department, so at least I know he knows his shit, right?

can it be Wednesday yet?

knee, MRI, and Lent...oh my!

I was finally able to schedule an MRI on my knee, that will take place tomorrow. I am really hoping some kind of answer comes from this. I need an answer.  There really aren't any good answers though that come after 3 months of knee pain, so I'm preparing for the worst and hoping for the best.  Sometimes being a nurse and having a degree in athletic training...I know too much.

Lent also starts tomorrow. Up until about 5 years ago, I really had no idea what Lent was. I had heard people mentioning they would give things up for Lent, but I did not grow up in a church where Lent was really observed.

I've been thinking hard about what to give up.  I've already given up soda this year.  Chocolate/sweets aren't really hard for me to give up nor is alcohol. 

I have been doing some emotional eating lately. A lot of stress with the kids. With still being unemployed. Not having answers about my knee. I've been hitting the fast food/junk a lot lately. Another friend posted that he was giving up "No more drive through dining. If it isn't worth getting out of the car for, it isn't worth eating."  I think I'll go with that. I don't know if I can give up my unsweet tea, but I'll make more of an effort to brew my own or buy it at the store instead of swinging through McD's (damn them being 1/4 mile from my house). However, if I am going inside, I will sit and eat. I will not buy from the drive thru.  This will include our weekly pizza nights (with movie!). I will be making the pizza at home.

I'd also like to DO something for Lent as well.  I'm making more of an effort to volunteer, especially in my kid's classrooms. They enjoy me coming in and their teachers are extremely appreciative. If I am to be unemployed, I will make use of my time. I will put it toward serving others as much as my schedule allows. 

I will also be cutting down on my Twitter usage. I took about a week break after realizing who my true friends are. I can handle that, but I was getting depressed about it. I don't need that in my life. As much as I enjoy Twitter, my emotional health is not worth it.


So there you have it.

back to menu plannning

I've been really bad about planning meals. Especially healthy meals. This past weekend really opened my eyes when we were eating quickly and I defrosted the wrong thing. sigh. too much eating out at this house.

So tonight, I went to Pinterest. Where all my good food ideas come from usually. On my menu this week:

Tuesday: Easy and Creamy White Chicken Enchiladas. no clue if my kids will like them, but they'll be SOL if they don't. we won't eat this many, so will cook in two separate pans. one for us, one for my friend having chemo this week

Wednesday: Parmesan Crusted Tilapia. kids loooove tilapia. so this should be a hit. going to make with The Best Broccoli of Your Life

Thursday: Weight Watchers Honey Mustard Chicken. not doing because it is weight watchers, just sounds good. will make with cous cous or quinoa. need to find a good carrot recipe...

Friday: pizza and a movie night. making an Angry Bird themed pizza. kids have been begging me to do this.

Saturday: pasta alfredo. box and jar. I know, I know...but I need to use up what is in the house. will make a salad.

will also be making some other easy to freeze meals for my friend. she mentioned buying frozen meals at the store and I just can't let that happen. I'm more than happy to cook for her.

New Year and update

Update first: went to the doctor on December 13th. still no change. waiting for insurance stuff to be figured out so I can get an MRI. no more PT, doing exercises at home instead. still in pain most days, not as severe as it was...but it is still there.

New Year Goals:

1. Lose 30 by 30. My 30th birthday is August 9th. I'd like to lose 30 lbs by that time. I still wouldn't be at my goal, but well toward it. That means to lose a little less than a pound a week. I can do this.
2. Be more consistent about logging my food. I really fell off the wagon when my knee started hurting. 
3. Run again. Pain free, preferably.
4. Volunteer at 6 races this year. I'd like to say 12, but that might be pushing it. 
5. Find a job I love.
6. Do more cross training, especially since I still cannot run.
7. Send birthday cards to my nieces and nephews.

that's it for now, may update when I think of more. 

down for the count

well, at least for the next almost 4 weeks.

finally sucked it up and went to the doctor this past Thursday. after a LOT of badgering and harassing by friends. I am glad I went. kind of .

I saw a new doctor as well as her resident. I "knew" them from my old job at the hospital, but didn't know them personally. I was very happy with the care I received.

Anyway, they gave me a preliminary diagnosis of Patellofemoral Pain Syndrome, which is also known as Runner's Knee. fun, eh? what this means...

• no running until my recheck, but at least 6 weeks minimum. 
• no high heels (not that I wear them that often, but need to this week...of course)
• PT consult on Dec 3rd (chose to go to the PT attached to the hospital I used to work at, so at least I know who is treating me, always nice to see friends)
• ice/naproxen regularly. even if I'm not in pain, which the times that I have no pain are far less than the times I am in pain. 
• recheck with the Dr. on Dec 13th. 
• if I am still in pain, no changes...then I'll be scheduled for an MRI

so that's that.  this will suck. I was hoping to do the Thanksgiving 5k, since my parents will be visiting. but maybe I'll go cheer instead.

as for how I feel, physically. it hurts like hell. starting on Sunday/Monday I've been in almost constant pain.  Thursday and Friday were pure misery. I'd have my pain at a 5-6/10 on the pain scale. I took ibuprofen, that didn't work I took naproxen, that didn't work. Though thankfully, starting to help a little.

I cannot walk around a lot. I can't drive long distances. I dug out my crutches as a "just in case" thing. had to use them a little today, if that gives any indication as to how much it hurts.

it shall be a long 4-6 weeks...

Running Goals

my goals for the next year...

5k- 29:59
10k- 1:10:00
Half- 2:30:00
Full- no ambitions for one at this time, if (big IF!) I do one in the next year, goal will be to finish

more late night ramblings

I didn't want to run again after Iron Horse. There. I said it. I had no desire. I told my best friend that I was considering giving it up. It wasn't fun for me anymore. She told me to wait a little and see how I felt in a week or two.

I ended up making myself go out for a run. In the end, it was a rather humorous run. For some unknown reason I wore regular mesh shorts to run in. I never wear those for running, at least not unless I have bike shorts or something else under. I also happened to be wearing one of the oldest pairs of underwear I own. I started running, my underwear slipped down. I continue running, it keeps slipping down. Rinse and repeat until I got to the most secluded part of my run. Which really isn't secluded, just not much traffic. I stood behind a telephone pole and got them off. Stuffed in my bra and went on my way.

It wasn't t the best run I've ever had. It wasn't the worst either. It was just blah. It did not leave me desiring to run again.  But I made myself go back out the next day. That was better...and the day after that a little better.

I'm trying to get back to loving running. I don't know what happened. Maybe I was doing it for someone else. Because I thought, perhaps, that I was only friends with some people because we were all runners. Since I wasn't able to run with them like I was before, I didn't see them. Even now, I still feel that way a little bit. Running brought us all together and if I'm not there, it feels like the friendship isn't there. The closeness that I felt.

I'm trying to get some consistency in my pace. I'm starting out with low mileage again. The furthest I've gone in the last 3 weeks is 2.46 (this morning). I've been running the same route at home. Varying run/walk intervals to find out what works best. I want to be able to run a similar pace at 2ish miles that I can keep at least up to 7ish miles. I figure I'll keep running the same distance for awhile until I can get there. I have no races I've paid for, so no real plan.

I would like to do another half marathon. Someday. But, I want to be able to know I can finish in the time I want. I don't want to do it until I can be consistent in my pacing and training. Right now, that option isn't there for me.

I've realized in the last few days that I've missed being a homebody. When my ex was in the country, I had to leave the house at least two nights a week minimum. If the kids had an activity, I'd be out more than that. Now that I'm mostly housebound, except for whatever activities the kids have (which aren't many), I find I'm enjoying my time alone at night. I've been watching some of my old favorite movies. I've been doing homework.

So that's it for now. Still unemployed. Still running. Learning to enjoy every moment with my kids. I've taken them for granted sometimes. I don't know if I'll be ready to share them when their dad returns back to the States in May/June.