Sunday, March 17, 2013

busy busy busy

I started a new class this week for my BSN called Leadership and Management. If you knew me, you'd probably laugh at me taking such a course. I'm hardly what one would call a leader. I can manage and follow...but I'd rather be behind the scenes.  I was dreading starting a new course. I enjoyed my week off entirely too much. I read probably five "junk novels" as my brothers used to call them. It was amazing. I really need to make time for that more often.

I have been so busy lately with the kids. It has been crazy, but I honestly wouldn't change it for anything. I have loved seeing them have some new experiences and trying new things.  Things at home have been better for them, with their behavior.  Maybe they were bored? I don't know.

But seeing how much #2 has started to love soccer, really makes me happy. I had always hoped one of  my kids would like it, I LOVED soccer growing up, 1/3 kids isn't so bad.  #1 has started participating in a boy's running club at school for 3rd-5th graders. It has given him a lot more self confidence. He is really proud of himself. It helps that he has several friends in the group as well. I think this will be better for him than basketball. It doesn't hurt that I like running more than basketball...

Poor girl child though, she's kind of left out now with no activities. I don't have much more time to add anything else in our schedule. We have been working on reading and she is picking it up very quickly. She had a concert at school with her preschool class last week and she rocked it. She told me after that she didn't want to do it, but she knew she just had to get up there and do it. It was seriously adorable to watch them all do their songs and dances. I'm almost dreading her going to kindergarten...she's already so "grown up" that I'm not ready for her to actually grow up.

The job situation still just sucks. I had a really promising interview, sounded like the job was mine. Well, looks like they hired someone else. I am almost ready to just give up on nursing in general. How am I supposed to use life application in my BSN classes, when I'm the only person in my cohort that isn't practicing as a nurse. Sigh. Someday. Right?

There are a lot of other things I cannot post about that are weighing heavily on my mind. It is family related and due to privacy, I will not share. Prayers are appreciated in that direction though. I love my family and would do anything for them.

It is looking like my ex-husband might be coming back sometime the end of June. Though it could be anywhere from the beginning of June to the end of July. I jokingly tell him that if he doesn't come back until July that I am running away. I will go away for awhile. I feel I deserve that after 10ish months of being an only parent. I know I am a single mom. I did bare the brunt of their care even when he was here. But him being gone, I lost my time to see my friends. Though it has helped me to focus more on the kids, which I needed to do.

Then there's the knee. It's doing ok, still hurts. I have an appointment on the 26th for a 2nd opinion. The doctor I'll be seeing is in charge of a Running Clinic. Even if he gives me the same diagnosis that "nothing is wrong with me"...I'm hoping that he'll give me a way to manage the pain I do have. I find it ridiculous that I can't even run around kicking a soccer ball with my son without my knee hurting. I just want to be able to do normal activities. I don't think that is asking too much. I want to be able to work a 12-hour shift without having pain.

I feel that this last year has really taken a toll on me. I lost my job almost 11 months ago. I lost my "me" time in September when my ex deployed. I lost running which was my only stress relief in November when I was told not to run because of my knee. I feel like I've lost my friends.  If that doesn't make a person depressed, then hell...I don't know what would. I'm starting to lose hope that I'll ever run again pain free. Losing hope that I will ever work as an RN.

It's not like anyone reads this, but if you do...sorry for the lengthy mumbling.

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